


our names are written with starlight

by softzindagi



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 01:32:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16187309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softzindagi/pseuds/softzindagi
Summary: After four years of failed attempts, Niall is still hopelessly single with no match to his soulmark in sight. But just because he can’t find his soulmate, doesn’t mean he can’t find love.





	our names are written with starlight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scarlingwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarlingwolf/gifts).



> okay it's here. i've had this idea in my head for a ziall for two years now, and this exchange allowed me to finally get it into writing.   
> i wanna thank victoria and katelyn for beta-ing this for me and to inm for always being the person i can shoot ideas off of  
> anyways, enjoy!

Niall should’ve known that this year wasn’t going to be his year. It hadn’t been for the last three, why should this one be any different? 

He sits down heavy on the blanket he brought with a deep sigh, the exhaustion of the late hour finally hitting him. The stars still shine bright against a moonless sky and the festival around him is still in full swing, the love and sadness in excess all around him. It’s the annual Starlight festival, one where the soulmate marks shine brightest against the light of the stars with a new moon. Only against starlight can anyone see their mark.  If your mark matched with someone else's - the same size, the same hue, and in the same place - then you'd found your soulmate. The annual Starlight festival is the one of the best times to find a soulmate, as it’s the largest gathering of people during a time where the stars shined the brightest. And for the fourth year in a row, Niall hasn’t found his. 

He isn’t the only one who hasn’t found their soulmate, he knows that from the muffled sniffling nearby, but he can’t help feeling hopeless in the pursuit of one. When his parents were his age, they had already found one another and were married with his older brother on the way and yet here he sits, amongst what feels like the whole of Ireland, alone and hurting.

His mark sits just above his left hip bone, the outline of two intertwined forget-me-nots and under it, the letters of a word in another language. Niall has traced the mark so many times that he often mimes the motion on his legs when he’s nervous, the movement having become muscle memory. He has no idea what the word is or what it means, but it’s four intertwined letters. Niall had tried to ask a languages professor during his first year at university, but most of his professors studied European languages, and it was none of those. If he ever finds his soulmate, he hopes they can fill in that gap for him. The mark sparkles with a gold luminescence against his skin under the starlight, something he’d been very surprised about as the gold isn’t as prominent against his pale skin, but he loves it all the same. 

Niall lets the time pass as he sits, unsure of what to do. He tries to look around at those who pass, looking at the area just above their hip bone, but not many people have their shirts open to display a tattoo there. After an hour of this, he gives up, an ache settling against his heart as he gets up to go. He finds that the prospect of washing away the ache with a few pints a better idea than wallowing in the starlight, shirtless, sad, and shivering. 

What Niall doesn’t notice as he leaves is a man watching him, staring at the tattoo on his hip with twinkling eyes and a soft smile. 

 

~

 

After the disaster of a festival, Niall finds himself sitting in the coffee shop right outside his apartment building the next morning, nursing a black iced coffee and a sausage and egg sandwich to cure his hangover. He’d gotten drunk, downing several beers and shots of vodka with his roommate, Louis, who had also come back soulmate-less. 

And now he regrets his decision to do that, because Louis had goaded him into too many shots of vodka and now his head feels as though it’s going to implode. 

The coffeeshop is quiet enough, the barista not as chatty today as she usually is, and it seems like everyone around him is either way too sad or way too happy. He tries not to watch the couple across the room, too loved up for his mood, but he can’t help it.

Then, before he realizes it, a man stands before him, smiling shyly down at him with soft brown eyes. He’s wearing a Misfits t-shirt with black jeans and he has an undercut, but the rest of his hair is long enough to cover his forehead. Niall feels the instant his mind stutters to a stop, taking in the man before him in wonder. 

“Is this seat taken?” the man asks, pointing down at the seat across from Niall. Niall shakes his head, unsure of how else to proceed when a man this good-looking is before him. His accent is thick and clearly not Irish, but Niall can’t really pinpoint it just yet. “Sorry, I don’t know if you recognize me but we have music theory together and I saw that you’re studying it right now and well- I guess... I guess I just wanted to come and introduce myself. I’m Zayn.”

Niall stares for a moment, still processing everything but he manages a smile and puts out his hand for Zayn to take as he takes the seat. “I’m Niall. Nice to meet you, mate. Sorry, nursing a bit of a hangover here.”

“Fun night?” Zayn asks, giving Niall an interested look.

“Not exactly. But it’s fine,” Niall answers quickly. He feels awkward, not sure what exactly is going on because no one really shows much interest in Niall except to be friends. “How’re you liking the class?”

“I like it a lot. Cromwell is like an encyclopedia for all things music and it’s been really interesting,” Zayn pauses, carding a hand through his hair as he pushes it back away from his eyes. It leaves Niall feeling a twinge of fondness on top of his nerves. “What about you?”

“I like Cromwell, too. He’s laid back and I love how he wants to have a conversation with the class instead of just lecturing. Makes the material just more applicable.” Niall is proud of himself for saying that much, because he can feel himself beginning to clam up when he notices Zayn’s face light up.

“Yes, exactly! I would rather talk to him than write another paper on the history of rock music,” Zayn says, rolling his eyes good naturedly.

“Laurels, right? She’s a real stickler for the history of music, yeah. Are you in the music program?” 

“Yeah, I just transferred here from Bradford in England. Thought Dublin was the right place to start fresh,” he says, shrugging a little. Niall watches as Zayn fingers the tabletop, the top of his left hand inked with a floral design, and feels even more drawn to him. He can’t even begin to try and explain why or how.

“Why Dublin, though?” Niall questions, but he backtracks quickly, looking away with a wince. “Sorry, that’s an invasive question, you don’t have to answer that.”

“No, it’s fine. Just- had a feeling, I guess. Dublin felt like the right decision.” Zayn offers him a lopsided smile and Niall has to stop himself from groaning out loud. 

They talk some more, the conversation flowing easily after the initial awkwardness on Niall’s part. Niall finds out that Zayn is studying both music and art and that he’s been wanting to study in Dublin for years. Niall tells Zayn about his love of music producing and lyric writing and his job at the their university's record studio. They even manage to study a little, discussing the latest reading Cromwell had assigned which Niall has thankfully already read. After they’re done, Zayn gives Niall his number and asks to meet with him again for another study session, same day and time a week later. Niall has to stop himself from giving him a too enthusiastic yes. 

 

~

 

Niall doesn’t exactly know how it happens, but their coffee study dates turn into going to each other’s apartments and hanging out well after studying. Well, that’s a lie, he knows exactly how it happens. He likes Zayn a lot and Zayn is nothing but sincere and caring. They start sitting next to each other in class and the more they talk, the more they begin to bleed into each other's lives. It’s been six weeks since they met and Niall is utterly taken by Zayn. He can’t explain it, not really. At first it was just a feeling, but that feeling blossomed into a friendship unlike any Niall has ever experienced. Even Louis can tell there is something going on, but, luckily, he doesn’t tease Niall much about it. 

What’s more is that Niall is attracted to Zayn. He catches himself watching Zayn’s mouth more times than he’d care to admit and he can’t seem to shake the feeling no matter how much he tries. It doesn’t help that he can’t really tell if Zayn is flirting with him or just being nice, and because Niall is a bit of a pessimist, he just assumes Zayn is being nice. It doesn’t stop him from hoping he’s wrong, though. 

They’re sitting in Zayn’s living room with soft ambient music playing in the background, each trying to complete their own homework assignments but Niall finds that he can’t concentrate anymore. He sighs and pushes his computer away from him, choosing instead to lay back against Zayn’s sofa. 

“You know, I’ve never seen any of your artwork. You keep telling me about your work and I’ve seen the paint stains all over your hands, but I’ve never actually seen anything you’ve done,” Niall says as he sinks further into the sofa, trying to get comfortable. He looks over at Zayn expectantly only to find Zayn offering him a strange look. 

“Do you want to?” Zayn asks, quirking an eyebrow at Niall. 

“Yeah, if you want to share that with me,” Niall nods, sounding solemn. He really hopes that Zayn does, because he’s been itching to open Zayn’s studio door for weeks just to have a small peek. 

“All you had to do was ask,” Zayn admonishes softly but he gets up anyways, motioning for Niall to follow him. It surprises Niall that Zayn agreed, mostly because Niall would be nervous to share any of his music with Zayn, but he soon realizes Zayn hasn't tried to hide a single thing from Niall. It’s a thought that warms Niall to his core.

Zayn opens his studio door slowly, as if trying to delay the inevitable. Niall puts a hand on his shoulder in reassurance and Zayn offers him a nervous smile as he pushes open the door with more determination. Niall doesn’t take his eyes off Zayn until Zayn gives him the okay to look around, and in a moment, Niall is speechless. 

The first thing that hits Niall is the smell as he enters the small room, the scent of acrylic and oil paint colliding with the distinct smell of spray paint. The walls of the studio are fully covered in different types of art, from graffiti to acrylic pieces, each more captivating than the last . There is a pile of spray cans to his left, some standing straight while others are strewn haphazardly around them, the window above them open to air out the fumes. To his right, there is a desk with different kinds of small paint bottles, ranging from acrylic to watercolor. In the middle of the room is an easel that’s facing away him making it so that he can’t see the piece Zayn has been recently working on. Niall walks around the room, not touching anything as his eyes roam along each piece of art. He can feel Zayn’s eyes on him as he goes and it feels almost exhilarating, like Zayn has given Niall a part of him that no one else knows about. When he finally turns back to Zayn to offer his praise, his eye catches on the easel and he stops, his emotions getting the better of him.

On the easel, in its unfinished beauty, is a painting of Niall with his guitar on the steps of the library. Niall remembers that day clearly. It’d been just two weeks after he’d met Zayn and he decided that it was a great day to try and get some music writing done. He had been strumming his guitar to try and come up with some new ideas for melodies, trying anything and everything he could think of. He hadn’t known Zayn had seen him, but it’s clear now that he had. The painting has Niall sitting on the steps, holding the guitar as he looks up in concentration, but what's striking is how Zayn created the whole painting, the brush strokes soft yet precise. 

“You painted me?” Niall can’t keep the surprise from his face as he looks at Zayn.

“Yeah. I don’t know why I picked this scene to draw, but I just remember you looked so absorbed in what you were creating. Just wanted to paint how I see you, I guess,” Zayn explains as he rubs the back of his neck unconsciously. It takes just about everything out of Niall not to kiss him right then and there, but he holds back as he looks back at the painting, trying to memorize exactly the way Zayn sees him. 

“You’re a brilliant artist, Zayn. It’s all so dynamic and different to what I’m used to,” Niall gives him a warm smile as he continues, “I love them.”

“I’m glad,” Zayn sighs out in relief, chuckling a little in spite of himself. “Don’t know why I was so worried to show you.”

“Because this is an important part of your life and a passion of yours? I’m just as nervous with showing anyone my music,” Niall consoles, walking up to Zayn to give his shoulder a squeeze, even though all he wants to do is hug him hard. 

“Would you show me your music?” Zayn asks, his tone teasing. 

“I would, maybe next time I’ve got my guitar I can play you something,” Niall concedes, aware that he can’t refuse Zayn anything after he’s showed Niall his own work _. _

“Could sing me a new song you’re writing,” Zayn suggests, his eyebrow raised in challenge. 

Niall almost tells Zayn he’d do anything for him, but instead he just nods, “You got it.”

They move back into the living room and settle back to finish the rest of their work.  Almost unconsciously, a small smile plays on Niall's lips for the rest of the day. He feels content for the first time in a long time.

 

~

 

It’s late morning when Niall finally wakes up, groggy and confused, to distant yelling from his living room. He makes out the voice to be Louis, yelling at someone over a video game and from what Niall can discern, Louis is losing, and he isn’t happy about it. He pulls himself from the warmth of his covers and gets out of bed, fully expecting one of Louis’ friends in his living room but instead he finds Zayn. He has to blink a few times as he’s sure that his eyes are playing some kind of trick on him, playing into his fantasies, but as Zayn looks up at him with a lopsided grin and a raised eyebrow, he knows he isn’t hallucinating. His imagination isn’t that good. 

“Look who finally decided to wake up- mate, Zayn’s been here for near an hour waiting for you,” Louis says, looking up with a slight smirk. Niall is too tired to fully comprehend it but he knows he doesn’t want to acknowledge whatever Louis is suggesting.

“An hour?” Niall looks at the clock on the microwave to see that it reads 11:06. Did they make plans for today? Niall’s sure if they had he would have, without a single doubt, remembered. 

“It’s nothing, I just wanted to see if you were up for hanging out today, since it’s your day off and all. I should’ve texted first,” Zayn answers, shrugging. He looks uncertain, as if suddenly feeling like an intrusion but a moment passes and the look is gone. 

“I’d love to, I just- uh,” Niall looks at Louis, who is looking at him with that grin still, and squares his shoulders. “Just let me get ready, yeah?”

“Take your time- was beating Louis anyways,” Zayn says with a smirk. Niall doesn’t even bother looking at the TV to see what game they’re playing, too struck by Zayn’s smirk to really care. As Zayn turns away, Niall catches himself and makes for his bathroom, his mind going a mile a minute.

Zayn wants to hang out with him. He came and stayed after finding out Niall was still asleep. He  _ stayed _ and waited for Niall to wake up. Why? The only reason Niall can come up with is that Zayn just did things like that for his friends. What Niall can’t wrap his head around is the fact that he isn’t thinking of them as just friends anymore, but he can’t put a label on what he and Zayn have become. And in that moment, he doesn’t want to. He is fine with being on the edge of just friends, because he wants more. He just hopes Zayn does, too.

When he comes out again, the TV is off and Zayn is on his phone while Louis is in the kitchen. 

“Did you have anything special in mind?” Niall questions as he grabs his coat from the hallway closet. 

“Yeah,” Zayn replies, giddy all of a sudden. “There’s that free music festival in Phoenix Park today, was thinking we could just go there and hang out.”

“That’s today?” 

“Yeah- figured you might’ve forgotten since you’re so busy but because it’s your day off, I thought it would be a good way to just chill and get your mind off work and school,” Zayn explains nervously. 

“Yeah, that sounds great! Louis,” Niall turns to Louis as he exits the kitchen, “You wanna come?”

Louis shakes his head, “I’m good, mate. I’ve got a lunch date in a bit anyways. You guys have fun, have a pint for me.” Niall doesn’t miss the subtle wink that Louis throws at him as he turns to go to his room. He’s sure Zayn doesn’t miss it either as he offers Niall a shrug when Niall turns back to him. 

“I need more Irish friends,” Niall mumbles, with a mock roll of his eyes, “You Brits are nothing but trouble.”

“We have our charm,” Zayn offers as they make their way out. Niall doesn’t bother to deny that. How else can he explain his two best friends being English while living in the capital of Ireland? 

The commute to Phoenix Park takes them close to an hour and the festival is in full swing by the time they arrive. Niall knows a lot of the performers from working at the record studio, and he is more than happy to see them play live. He loves concerts, but he loves music festivals more. The more diverse the set list, the better. He’s glad Zayn had asked for them to go because he definitely would have forgotten and just stayed at home. Beer and music are much more preferable to that of having a sad wank and movie night back at his place.

Somehow they manage to find a place to sit behind the crowd near the main stage and Niall manages to get them each a beer from a nearby vendor.

“To music,” Niall says, raising his cup to Zayn’s.

“To music,” Zayn echoes, clinking his cup against Niall’s, chuckling as the beer sloshes down Niall’s arm. Niall grumbles in annoyance in return. 

They’re quiet for a little while, just enjoying the music and beer together. Niall feels at ease in the crowd of people, all of them there for the music and the food, an atmosphere Niall thrives in. 

“You could be up there one day,” Zayn proclaims suddenly. Niall peers at him only to find Zayn looking back at him earnestly. “Don’t you dream about playing for big crowds?”

“All the time,” Niall confides, pushing his hair back as he looks away from Zayn to the stage, “I want to give people the same exhilaration I feel when I go to concerts. There’s no better feeling.”

“You will,” Zayn declares, giving Niall a wink. “I’ve heard your melodies and I’ve seen your lyrics. You’re just as talented as anyone playing today, even more so.”

“You’ve never heard me sing,” Niall protests lightly, waving away Zayn’s compliment.

“Don’t have to. I just know.” Niall doesn’t know what to say to that, but Zayn’s belief in him, if a little misplaced, is good enough for Niall. 

They spend the rest of the day at the festival, moving around to find food and products from the different vendors. It’s companionable and Niall is left feeling happier than he has been in a while. His only wish is that he could have had the courage to hold Zayn’s hand like he had wanted to. He still has no idea where they stand. 

“He fancies you,” Louis says when Niall finally walks back into the apartment alone, a shit-eating grin on his face. Niall ignores him and goes into the kitchen to make some dinner but Louis follows him in anyways, watching as Niall gets several things for an egg sandwich on the counter. “It’s clear as day. He came waltzing into the apartment ready to sweep you out on a date but when he found out you were still sleeping he literally said, ‘oh let him sleep,’ and just picked up the controller and asked if I wanted to play.”

“I think that just shows that he’s a laid back guy who wanted to hang out with his friends,” Niall replies, waving Louis away. He doesn’t want to fall even further down into the spiral Zayn has created within him.  

“I don’t know many people who would go out of their way to hang out with just anyone, Ni- but think what you want. I know you fancy him, too.” Niall doesn’t have to look up at Louis to know that he’s wiggling his eyebrows at him, slightly leering. 

“We’re just friends.” Niall knows he doesn’t sound a bit convincing, but thankfully Louis relents and leaves to go back into his room. 

“Just friends, my ass,” Louis calls back as he closes his bedroom door, the finality of the sound resonating Louis’ words.

Niall would be lying if he didn’t say that he hopes to be more than just friends with Zayn. So, instead of thinking about it, he continues to make himself dinner and busies himself with trying to finish as much homework as he can. Running from his problems was just easier than facing them.

 

~

 

It’s another study session when things start to feel like they are changing for Niall with Zayn. They are each doing projects for different classes, but Niall is close to calling it quits as the clock strikes 7 and his stomach begins to growl. Zayn looks up at the sound, chuckling when Niall puts his reading down with a huff. 

“Let’s call it, I’m starving,” Niall announces, picking up his phone to start to order take out. “Anything you’re craving?”

“We could get some curry? Been craving it since I came back from break.” Zayn gets up to sit beside Niall, peering over Niall’s shoulder to look at the different South Asian restaurants that deliver. “Veda looks promising- and it’s close.” 

“They’re good, yeah,” Niall concedes, trying to not concentrate on how close Zayn is sitting next to him. “What’s the order?”

“Can you order me some butter chicken with naan?” 

Niall nods as he inputs the order, adding for himself some chicken tikka. He calls Louis in to ask what he wants and puts it all in for delivery. He slumps against the sofa, sighing heavily and drawing his hands over his face. It's been a long day. 

He feels as Zayn leans to reach across him and hears the telltale sound of guitar strings as Zayn picks up his guitar. He opens his eyes to lazily watch as Zayn holds his guitar to study it. 

“You haven’t sang anything for me yet,” Zayn reminds Niall as he strums the strings a bit. “I’d like to collect what I’m owed. Sing me something you’ve been working on.”

“I’m not sure it’s going to be any good,” Niall replies, rubbing his hands nervously as he watches Zayn's hands move over his guitar. He’s never envied his instrument more. 

“Don’t put yourself down, Louis always has a good word for your music. Why haven’t you sang anything for me yet?”

“Guess I never thought about it,” Niall says. It’s a lie, he has thought about playing songs he’s written for Zayn, but he just hasn’t gotten the chance to. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t want to disappoint Zayn either, knowing that Zayn likes different music than he does. 

“Sing me something new, yeah? Please?”

Niall doesn’t bother to argue with Zayn, he could never refuse him anything. He takes his guitar from Zayn and plays a few notes before beginning the song he’s been working on.

 

_ Oh no, get ready _ __   
_ I feel it coming, it's coming again _ __   
_ I stay close, hold steady _ __   
_ 'Cause I don't want it, don't want it to end _ __   
_ Those brown eyes, crying in a crowded bar _ __   
_ Every time we get this close _ __   
_ It's always pulling us apart _ __   
__   
_ Don't let the tide come and wash us away _ __   
_ Don't let the tide come and take me _ __   
_ I just want a safe place to hide us away _ _   
_ __ So don't let the tide come and take me

 

Niall looks up slowly after stopping, blushing despite himself as he meets Zayn’s eyes. He had been thinking about Zayn when writing it, and he hopes Zayn doesn’t realize that. Zayn’s eyes hold a sort of pride Niall didn’t expect and all of a sudden, Niall feels like things are finally falling slowly into place.

“I love it, Ni,” Zayn beams, putting his hand on top of Niall’s, which he had been fidgeting nervously. “You have a real talent, you know that right?”

“I’m really glad you liked it,” Niall says, unable to truly take in Zayn’s compliment. If Zayn notices Niall’s diversion, he doesn’t mention it, which relieves Niall immensely. He isn’t good at accepting compliments, especially from Zayn because he turns into a bashful mess. Louis comes in after that, saving Niall from further embarrassing himself and they decide to put on Stranger Things as they wait for their food. 

It’s later that night that Niall realizes the change in his feelings for Zayn. It turns from being a crush on top of a friendship to something more, something that reaches much deeper in Niall. He’s falling for Zayn and he doesn’t know if he can stop himself. But more importantly, he doesn’t know if he even wants to try.

  
  


~

 

They decide to have a night in after their music theory exam leaves them both too tired for anything else. Luckily Niall remembered to stock up on the beer. They both lay out on the L-shaped sofa, beers in hand, a box of pizza between them, with the Godfather on- and it’s just close to perfect. Niall can quote just about everything, accents and all, from the movie and is happy to know Zayn can do the same.

“Do you believe in love?” Zayn asks him in the middle of the movie, twisting around to face him. 

Niall blanches, his eyes bulging out slightly as he fully registers Zayn’s question. Fuck, were they really going to have this conversation now?

“I do, yeah. I believe we all have our own soulmates,” Niall replies as he fidgets. “Do you believe?”

“Some people don’t.” Zayn watches as Niall processes his words as he adds, “It’s a cruel stroke of fate for anyone who doesn’t find a soulmate. Nearly 8 billion people in the world and so many expect to find their life partner at the festival nearest to them. And when they don’t find someone, it’s hopelessness that takes over. Just- makes me sad, you know?”

“Yeah,” Niall agrees. He’s had the same thoughts, wondering if the one for him is in another country that he will have to travel to. 

“My dad had to move to Bradford from Pakistan to find my mum. Didn’t meet until he was 27 and she was 25, which in today’s standards is a little late in the game,” Zayn continues, turning back to the movie though neither of them are watching. “It just confuses me. Only in the starlight can you see the mark and once you find that person, everyone makes it seem like you’re in love instantly.”

“It’s more like a feeling,” Niall murmurs, just loud enough for Zayn to hear. Zayn looks at him again, this time making eye contact and Niall’s chest feels tight with emotion. “Like a part of you isn’t missing anymore.”

“You think so?” Zayn asks, sitting up and moving the pizza box, but never taking his eyes off Niall. Niall knows what he wants to happen but he isn’t sure if Zayn will even attempt it. 

“Has to be, right? You’ve got to be drawn to them, there has to be some kind of connection,” Niall reasons, his breathing becoming faster as Zayn inches closer.

“Just a connection? Nothing more? How does one go about asking to see the person’s mark then?” Zayn stops his movements once he’s mere inches from Niall’s face and Niall has to stop himself from leaning forward to meet Zayn the rest of the way.

“Gotta go on a few dates, romance them.”

Zayn’s smile widens, showing off the whites of his teeth, “See, there’s too much risk with that. People can find a connection with just about anyone.”

“But it’s not the same connection as a soulmate bond,” Niall argues, forcing himself to look away from Zayn’s mouth and back into his eyes. 

“But how would you know?” Zayn pushes, his eyes trained intently on Niall's face. 

_ Because I feel it with you _ , Niall wants to say, but he says instead, “I don’t know. I guess I just have to trust what I’ve been told, right?” 

“Guess you do,” Zayn relents, moving to sit back against the sofa and away from Niall, turning back to the movie. Niall relaxes, but he’s confused by the whole conversation. What is Zayn even trying to say? Does he believe in love? Does he think he’s one of those people who will never find his soulmate? Did he come to Dublin to try and find his? Did he think Niall was his? 

He never quite comes to a solid answer. If anything, he yearns even more to ask Zayn to  show him his mark just so that he knows once and for all if his feelings are justified or not. But he can’t bite that bullet, his uncertainty getting the better of him once again. 

 

~

 

It’s late in the evening when Niall finally makes his way home, the weight of the day hitting him harder than he wanted to admit. He’d been in the studio trying to write something, anything, but it all just came out unclear and sad.  He had sat there, staring at the pages of sheet music and balled-up pages of lyrics torn from his notebook. His emotions for Zayn and his uncertainty about what to do about it have put him in a rut.  The more he thought about that, the more he realized just how deep his feelings were for Zayn. He is in love with Zayn, and that realization was the best and worst feeling all at once. He loves Zayn but he has no idea how Zayn feels about him, and still has no idea if Zayn is his soulmate or not. And the whole thing is hurting him more than he can stand. 

Louis is sitting on the sofa with his controller in hand when Niall walks in, the loud sounds indicating that he was playing Grand Theft Auto, a game Niall would normally join him in, but not today. When Louis finally looks up at Niall, seeing his appearance, he just shakes his head, pauses the game and motions for Niall to sit beside him. It doesn’t take long for Niall to start confessing. 

“Fuck, Louis, I’ve fallen in love with him,” Niall groans, putting his face into his hands as he bends forward. He doesn’t elaborate on who, because who else could Niall be talking about?

“What’s wrong with that? It’s not impossible to fall in love with someone other than your soulmate,” Louis says, looking down at Niall in confusion.

“I know it’s not, but- fuck, I don’t even know.” Niall shakes his head, the exhaustion and pain seeping into his bones as he slouches in his spot. 

“You think he isn’t love with you, too, right? Mate, he is. He looks at you like you’re the fucking sun. He’s so soft on you,” Louis replies, his voice taking on a slight lilt. “Never seen anyone that soft for you before.” 

“You really think so?” Niall asks, looking up in slight disbelief. 

“Course I do! He barely takes his eyes off you when you’re around, always asks about you when he comes to play video games and you’re at work.”

“You never told me you guys play video games together when I’m gone,” Niall mutters, but his mind is racing. 

Zayn loves him? Is it possible that neither of them need a soulmate? That can’t be right- there are technologies and apps that Niall has avoided where finding your soulmate is easy and Niall can’t help but feeling like they are just placeholders until they each find their own soulmate. It’s a horrible thought, one that makes Niall want to grab the bottle of vodka they still have from the Starlight festival and swallow it all, but that’s just the pessimist inside him talking. 

Zayn doesn’t feel like a placeholder. He feels like someone Niall could spend the rest of his life with, talking about everything and nothing all at once. Niall wants to hedge his bets, wants to ask Zayn to show him his mark, but he keeps stopping himself because he doesn’t want to have to stop what they have just yet. He wants to cherish it just a little bit longer because no one has ever made him feel this way. He’s had partners in the past, but it’s different with Zayn. 

He’s in love with Zayn. How could he not be? Each time he finds Zayn looking over at him, that soft smile that Zayn only saves for him on his lips, it feels like he can reach for the stars. And Zayn doesn’t say anything against it, doesn’t push him away like Niall sometimes wishes he would. Because Niall can’t stop himself, he’s tried so many times but he just can’t. 

He knows if Zayn isn’t his soulmate that he will be devastated. So he doesn’t ask, only basks in the facade he’s created that they don’t have to be, that they’ll be okay not knowing. 

Deep down he knows it’s not going to be so bad. They’ll find their partners in life eventually and forget about one another, but somehow that just seems worse. Niall doesn’t want to forget Zayn, doesn’t want his feelings for Zayn to disappear once he’s found someone else. He wants to wake up to Zayn’s hair in his face as they cuddle under the sheets just a bit longer than they should in the morning. He wants to be able to kiss Zayn whenever he wants and to watch Zayn paint all kinds of beautiful creations. He wants to write songs about their love so the whole world will know just how much Zayn means to him. He doesn’t want to forget Zayn; he wants to burrow himself into him so that no one else can. It’s selfish, he knows that, but he doesn’t care. He wants to be selfish if that means he gets to love Zayn as he wants. 

He hopes beyond anything that Zayn is actually his. That they will be one and there will be no one else. Because soulmates or not, he’s never going to love anyone as much as he loves Zayn. It’s God’s honest truth. 

“He loves you, Niall,” Louis says, bringing Niall back from his thoughts. “Just talk to him. That’s the last thing you’ve got to do. Talk to him.” 

 

~

 

He’s walking into his apartment building when he gets Zayn’s text. It’s late, nearly 11, and he’s just back from studying. The text reads:  _ Can you come over? I think we need to talk. _

Niall’s heart immediately begins to race. This has to be the talk Niall’s been trying to convince himself to have with Zayn for the last two weeks, ever since he’d admitted to Louis that he was in love with Zayn. Instead, Zayn’s taken it upon himself to instigate that talk and it causes Niall’s stomach to twist with waves of anxiety. 

He almost texts Zayn that he can’t make it, but he forces himself to agree. They need to talk and the faster they reveal their marks to each other and the worst happens, the faster Niall can try to get over Zayn. This is what he tries to convince himself as he walks the few blocks to Zayn’s apartment, not having any hope of a positive outcome because having hope just leads to more disappointment.

He arrives at Zayn’s apartment just twenty minutes after the text but Niall stands outside the door for just as long, his nerves eating at him. With a heavy heart, Niall knocks.  

“Hey, thanks for coming. I know it’s late, but I don’t want to wait anymore,” Zayn says as he opens the door wider for Niall to enter. Niall notices Zayn looks just as nervous as he feels, which does nothing to reassure him. 

“Yeah, no problem. You wouldn’t have texted if it wasn’t important,” Niall responds, trying and failing to cover up the crack in his voice as he starts to feel the anxiety creep up his throat. 

“It is important, but I wanted to show you something before we start talking.”

“Okay.” Niall moves to go to the living room but Zayn shakes his head.

“No, it’s in my room.”

“You haven’t painted me again, have you?” Niall tries as a joke. He would rather have another painting than for them to have this talk. 

“No, well, yes, I have. But that’s not the surprise. Just- just come into my room, yeah? You’ll understand when you see it.” Zayn bites his lip and it’s the first sign to Niall that Zayn truly is as nervous as he feared. Zayn only bites his lip when he is feeling anxious, which is a step ahead of nervous.

Niall has never been in Zayn’s room, as he never had the need to before. The room isn’t what Niall expected it to be. He had thought that maybe Zayn would decorate his room with artwork and posters but there isn’t much of that. There is a wall of ceiling to floor windows covered by black out curtains, but he knows the windows lead out to a balcony Niall has always seen from the outside. The rest of the room is perfectly white and stylishly decorated with a few rustic pieces as well as black pieces for contrast. The bedsheets are also white, but he has a giant navy-blue throw blanket and several navy pillows to help balance everything out.

The thing Niall doesn’t see is whatever Zayn wants to show him.

“It’s nice,” Niall supplies as he sees Zayn looking at him expectantly.  

“Thanks. I’d have decorated it more, but I have the studio in the next room for that,” Zayn replies, smiling softly. It nearly causes Niall to groan, because he couldn’t take it if they ended what they have now with that soft smile on his lips. Instead, he wants to push Zayn onto his bed and kiss him all over. “I’m going to turn off the lights, but first I need you to lay down on your back on the bed with your eyes closed.”

Niall gives him an incredulous look, unsure of what exactly is happening. “With my eyes closed? But what’s the point of turning off the lights then?”

“So you don’t peek as well,” Zayn answers, giving Niall an all too satisfied look. 

Niall doesn’t reply to that as he does what Zayn asks, putting his arm over his eyes to show that he won’t, in fact, peek. He hears Zayn walk a few steps to the light switch and the telltale sign of the electricity flickering off. He then hears Zayn move toward him and feels as he lays on the bed beside him. 

“I wanted to show you this,” Zayn starts, reaching out to take hold of Niall’s hand, his voice thicker than Niall’s ever heard it. Niall lets Zayn remove his arm from his eyes as opens them to look at Zayn but something else catches his attention.

The ceiling is painted with a light blue and sparking glow in the dark paint, as if trying to mimic the night sky. He sees the small flecks of the paint all over but as he begins to look closer, he begins to make out constellations in the star-shaped dots. 

“That’s Canis Major,” Niall exclaims as he points out the pattern the stars make. “And that’s Andromeda and Canis Minor.”

“There’s Cassiopeia and Cephas, too,” Zayn adds, pointing out more. “These are the constellations that were in the sky the night when I first saw you.”

Niall looks over at Zayn in confusion. They hadn’t met at night? They met at the coffee shop just outside Niall’s apartment, hadn’t they? “W- what?”

“The night I first saw you was June 25,” Zayn replies, his voice confident yet gentle. 

“But that was the Star-“

“The Starlight festival, yeah. I saw you just as you were leaving.” Zayn moves to turn against Niall, putting his hand over where Niall’s mark laid hidden under his shirt. “You were shirtless and you looked utterly defeated. You left far too quickly for me to stop you, but I’d seen all that I needed to to realize that you are my soulmate.”

Niall gasps audibly as Zayn’s hand moves beneath his shirt, his fingers beginning to trace the outline of the mark against his skin. Niall isn’t one for crying, but he’s close to it now as he processes all that Zayn has said. 

Zayn’s hand drops a little, his fingers tracing the word just below the forget-me-nots and he has to know what it means. “The word- what is it?” The question comes out in a rush, like he’s afraid the whole thing might just be another dream.

“Mohabbat,” Zayn replies simply yet proudly. “It means love in Urdu, but love in the English language just doesn’t translate right. It’s the kind of love that consumes you but also saves you.” 

Zayn traces the mark again, watching Niall intently as he does, waiting for his reaction to his words. 

Zayn really is his soulmate? He’s known all this time? He feels as though he’s been thrown for a loop, his emotions ranging from relief, disbelief, to borderline angry. He’d been unsure of Zayn’s part in his life for months and yet there Zayn had been, as sure of his place in Niall’s life as anything. 

“You knew this whole time?” Niall asks, just above a whisper. 

“I did- and Niall, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were struggling so much until Louis told me. I was waiting for you to come to the conclusion yourself, wanted you to ask to see my mark, but you never did. And then Louis called to yell at me for making you so anxious. I would’ve showed you in the beginning but I didn’t want to spook you.” Niall should realize that Zayn is babbling at this point, but his mind is still trying to wrap itself around the fact that Zayn really is his soulmate. 

“Show me your mark,” Niall finds himself asking, making up his mind to get back at Zayn for his secrecy later. First, he needs to make sure they really do share the same mark. He doesn’t want anymore uncertainties. 

Zayn nods at his request, getting up slowly from the bed. He moves to the curtains to move them aside, letting the light of the stars shine down around them. Niall sits up just as Zayn lifts his shirt, his throat constricting with the overwhelming emotions of relief and happiness. There it is, the mirror image of his mark on Zayn’s body. He had always dreamed about how his mark would look like on Zayn, how the forget-me-nots would glisten gold against his skin, but it doesn’t compare to the actual thing. 

He pulls Zayn to him, his hands going for his waist as he traces the mark with his fingertips. He feels Zayn shiver against his light touch and for the first time, he's sure of exactly what he’s going to do to Zayn. He bends his head to kiss the mark, a groan escaping from Zayn’s lips that leaves Niall feeling jolted.

“No more secrets,” Niall whispers as he moves back to look up at Zayn. 

“No more secrets,” Zayn agrees. He smiles that soft smile again, leaning forward to give Niall a proper kiss. It’s sweet and full of promise, and it soon turns into more heated and wet kisses. 

After a few moments of this, Niall pulls Zayn onto the bed so that they lie facing each other. “I want you to know that I’m still angry that you kept this from me, but fuck, I’m so relieved. You’d better figure out some way to repay me for this turmoil I’ve been in.”

“Anything you want,” Zayn agrees easily, reaching to hold Niall’s hand. “I love you, Niall. Meri Mohabbat.” 

“I love you, too, Zayn.” Niall leans in to kiss Zayn, just because he can, and everything slides into place. He’d been wrong, this year is his year.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading you guys! if you liked this, let me know and if you want to follow me on tumblr, it's @softzindagi 
> 
> "Meri Mohabbat" means "my love"
> 
> just needed to share that i truly see zayn singing intermission: flower to niall after the confess their love, but i just didnt know how to write that out properly. 
> 
> (also if you caught the stucky not easily conquered reference, i want you to know that i love you)


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